Selfies: Real Self or False?

Selfies: Real  Self or False?    by Dr Elizabeth McCardell, M. Couns., PhD

     As my friends are probably well aware, I don’t like having my photograph taken. I never have. The few photographs of me as a child show an awkward child hiding behind my mother’s cotton dresses, or twisted around behind a fence, or something. I never liked being the object of “the gaze”, as literary theorists put it. So you don’t often see me smiling into the lens; you see something serious, which isn’t the whole truth of me. I can be silly, funny, and lightsome.

     Someone once did a study on who most smiles into the camera and psychotherapists and photographers are least likely to. We can conjecture here, as I have done on several occasions, that photographers and therapists prefer to do the looking and not be seen to be observing. We earn our living watching and listening intently and working with others to find a more comfortable place within themselves and in their relationships. A good photo provides a sort of anchor to experience and a good therapeutic session brings a greater ease into life.

     You wont find me taking selfies. This phenomenon that is extensively exhibited on social media is alien to me. My facebook page has a picture of a seal, at the moment. At other times, you’ll find the tiger, named Richard Parker, from the movie, The Life of Pi, or some raven, a whale, or something or other. For me to put up an actual picture of me doesn’t make me feel awkward, so much as just bored senseless. Now this is not to say that I am contemptuous of those who post pictures of themselves, I am merely saying that I am uncomfortable posting pictures of myself on social media.  My self-ness isn’t connected, in my mind, to pictures of myself.

     It’s an intriguing thing, the picture of oneself. Such artefacts reverse the image, so that a photo isn’t an actual representation of oneself, yet many of us identify with the picture, believing that the moment captured digitally is us. I read a lot of forums online, interested as I am, in the questions people ask about ordinary life, love, and meaning, and have noticed an exponential rise in recent times in questions along the lines of “am I pretty/handsome, will the boys/girls like me” accompanying selfies. It seems that these questioners identify very much with  their representation of themselves, that their sense of selfhood is actually contained in the photograph. I get the sense that such a belief in the image hides selves who are extremely lonely, full of doubt, and suicidal. The endless taking of the selfie, ironically, endeavours to connect the self to a presence among people, and yet it often fails to do so.

     I am interested in presence and immersion in environments. Perversely, possibly, I actively seek the rawness of encounter, and thus I enjoy diving to the bottom of the sea, or slipping over icy pavements, or plunging head first into wild places and thus I hardly ever actually photograph anything.

     I do admire beautiful pictures taken by others. Photography is a wonderful medium and often, but not always, very creative. As a representation of reality, though, it isn’t particularly. Whatever is depicted is still only a two-dimensional thing; the presentation of depth and light and shadow are merely tricks of the eye. The presence of a person is manifestly and magnificently greater than the image on an iphone, newspaper, or whatever we hold in our hand. Presence is the richness of contradiction, of concordance, of playfulness, of tears, of heartfelt meeting, of serious words, of changing visage, of the generosity of story and experience, of low points and exhilaration, of anxiety, doubts, and despair; it is being in a way that mishmashes together layers of interconnecting falsehoods and realities.  To be a presence is all these things. The photograph takes one piece and calls it everything.

     This one piece, though, has its place. It is a beginning of an exploration to the real self; any piece of self (real or false) is this. This will be part of the theme of an upcoming workshop.

     In August  (20^th – 21^st),  Indivar  from Perth will be returning to this region to run a non-residential weekend workshop, titled “From the False to the Real” which I will help facilitate.  Please email or phone me for details (dr_mccardell@yahoo.com, mobile 0429 199 021).

     Indivar (Jim Coventry) has over 50 years experience as a clinical psychologist and group leader. He is a gentle, incisive, insightful, creative, and very funny man and workshop participants often come away feeling that deep and complex issues have been addressed and selves spoken to at a deep hearts level. I’ve looked at the faces of the people and seen profound shifts and a new ease of being.  This is the kind of shift I observe with my own clients and it’s very heartening.  It’s a privilege to be present in the presence of fellow discoverers who are serious about living their lives with conscious awareness and delight in new understanding.