99% of the population aren't coping perfectly well

99% of the population aren’t coping perfectly well  by Dr Elizabeth McCardell, M. Couns., PhD
April 2010 

     I’ve sometimes heard it said that since 99% of the population don’t need therapy, what’s wrong with the woossy 1%?  Maybe the numbers are wrong, but the gist of this idea is also missing the mark. The trouble is vast numbers of people in Australia, particularly rural Australia, aren’t coping particularly well. Many use alcohol and/or drugs to mask their emotional difficulties, while others turn to gambling, food, and sex to conceal how they actually feel about themselves.
 

     Underneath exhibitions of self-abuse there lies vulnerable people feeling they have no one to talk to.  Family and friends often do not have the patience nor the skills to hear someone out, so feeling bruised, grief stricken, confused, in deep emotional pain, they play dangerously with their lives.

The trouble is, the feelings don’t go away. They may be hidden temporarily, but they pop out when a person least expects it.  These feelings are not always symptoms of a mental illness or mood disorder, like depression or anxiety, but profound distress.  Grief, for instance, can so disturb a person that it feels like there is no possibility of an end to it. Grief can be feelings of loss of a loved one through death (human or animal), loss of a relationship, loss of a job or a familiar lifestyle (experiences of prison can be absolutely devastating to a person’s equilibrium), loss of health and well being (say, through cancer or motor neuron disease), loss of competency and memory (in dementias like Alzheimer’s), feelings of loss when a parent or friend or child acquires a dementia (and this condition is not confined to the elderly) – they look familiar, but they are not ‘all there’; grief has many forms and feeling it does not describe mental illness.  Capacity to experience grief makes us intensely human, though we now know that other animals know grief well.  

      Movies of elephants grieving over the death of a much-loved member of an elephant clan show this. The capacity to grieve is part of the capacity to love.

     We cannot snap out of feelings we have and denying these feelings exist in our waking life, while over drinking, eating (or refusing to eat), engaging in high risk sexual activity, driving too fast, or whatever, does nothing for the distress that arises at night, alone. 

     Counselling, or its longer duration counterpart, psychotherapy, can help restore  a sense of balance within ourselves. It can introduce a sense that we have the capacity to choose from many options in life, rather than go with the stuff we formerly thought was our boring old lot in life. It can invigorate us; bring excitement, even joy to our lives.  Counselling can break through procrastination and artistic blocks, so writing, painting, dancing and music making become not only possible but wonderfully accessible. Counselling is a very useful tool in bringing mindfulness to whatever we do, think, and feel, so that we are not seemingly controlled by other people, habits, and old self stories that get in the way of living authentically.

      Counselling is good, but a holistic approach to working through emotional pain, depression, anxiety, confusion, loss, etc. is best of all. I actively encourage my clients to exercise: walk, swim, run, play sport; to eat a balanced diet (and not over indulge); to take their medicine (as prescribed by their doctor, or alternative health specialist) and cut down the use of alcohol and non-prescribed drugs; to explore ideas in books, talks, the internet, and meetings; to take time out with walks in the forests, massages, spa baths, for instance; and to keep a journal, writing down (or drawing) their dreams, and observations of their encounters in everyday life. Counselling is most effective when it is part of a whole self health plan. When viewed in this way, there is nothing woosy about it. If   1% of the population get to enjoy it, then how lucky are they! The alternative for many people is  a small, ugly, and repetitious life  alleviated (controlled?) by substance abuse and dangerous behaviour. Life is too short for that. How much lovelier to be able to accept what is inevitable, celebrate what is choiceful, and manifest a richer, more abundant presence in the world. 

Copyright @ 2013 Dr Elizabeth McCardell